Menjaga Hati...?

It has been quite some time.

I was an avid blogger before. Even if my writings are nonsensical and often cynical; I couldn't care less.

But off-late, I could not write anything. Numb.

Time to flex this grey muscle on top of my head. Or, whatever left of it.

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night, and the first thought (or word) that pops up in your head is.. "S-H-I-T."

Guess what? I do. Many times. Wake up. Turn over to husband. Oh, sleeping like a baby. Blink my eyes a few times. Shit. I can't. Just can't. Let's try sleeping in the living room. Tip-toeing slowly with my pillow. Ahh.. bliss.. now I can try sleeping again. Sigh.

Now, that "Shit" can be anything. It can be unfinished office work, haunting you even as you sleep. Or maybe some nagging personal thoughts that you had at the back of your head. It can also be, nothing. That, my friend, is a problem.

A "Nothing-Shit" means you don't know what you don't know, but you tend to worry about it. You woke up, sweating, and your mind started racing. "Shit shit shit.. must be something I did not do before I sleep." Usually it happened to me when I am too overwhelmed. With, I don't know, work? Life?

Stay positive. That is what I was trying to numb my mind with. Positive. Positive. Maybe if I repeat it a hundred times over, my load will be lighter. Hey, ignorance is bliss guys. It does help. Sometimes...Not!

We tend to be afraid of things that we are not sure of. Something that we are not well-versed with, well-prepared for. Something that might sneak off behind your back and caught you off-guard. But, honestly, has it ever happen then? Or is it just in your thoughts...? And if does happen, what is the worst thing that can happen then?

So until then, I'll pray, as I lay my head down to sleep, that the Almighty God would grant me just one wish - "No shit-thoughts tonight."

Oh.. is that a new email notification? SHIT.