...Love Don't Cost A Thing?

Weekend.

Woke up. Hm. Empty bed. Can hear typing sounds from the office. Dang. He's awake. And working? *sigh*

My husband has two jobs. One, his official job in IBM. The second one is his part-time job, which he operates from home. I helped him setup a home office where he can have all the privacy he wants to do his work. Hell, it is a library, an office, his sanctuary. All in one.

Yeah, we need the money. We have dreams. He wants a brand new car. I want to go for my annual vacation at a pricey resort in Redang. I work very hard on my commission. He works day and night for that extra cash so that we can live like we wished for during college.

When we first got married, it was quite a challenge for us. We were both 23, just starting out with our career. Our combined salary can barely cover our operation cost, which means, come mid month, we'll be pulling the purse string tighter than ever. We stayed at my parents' house, just to make ends meet. We have loans to pay, car tank to fill. To put foods on the table. But we were happy. Hey, we have each other... besides, we save on rent!

But living with parents do have it downsides. We have curfews (believe it). It's definitely not private (you have your parents sleeping next to your room, for god sake!). And at that age, we were still being patronized by our parents. That put a lot of strain in the relationship, so we decided to move out. Instead of renting, we decided to buy! Wow. At a tender age of 25, we were both a proud owner of a 3-bedroom apartment. Location? 15 minutes from Kota Damansara, 20 minutes from KL...

However, buying an apartment put another strain in the relationship. Yes, you have a house to call your own. BUT, then came the bill(s). You have monthly installment to settle (1K plus mind you), maintenance bill, utility bills, tax. That, to name a few.

Sometimes I am envious of my friends. Those who just got married. I felt that they have more time to accumulate more, so that they do have a better life after the wedding ceremony is over. They get to plan bigger and nicer wedding reception. They get to buy bigger cars. They get to buy bigger house. They even get to buy better furniture for their homes, unlike us who had to rely on IKEA for our stuffs. Not that we are not well-off, but I think I don't get to choose much.

But I always forget to count our blessings. Yes, we can only afford a small apartment, but we still have a roof on top of our heads. We can afford to eat out more than before. We still have our annual vacation. We have traveled extensively all over the country in my husband's national-brand car...

So my friends, yes, marriage is a blissful thing. You share your life with someone, for better or for worse. You learn how to accept your life no matter how difficult it is. You share responsibilities, you take accountability. And you learn one thing, even if your life might not paint a pretty scenery as your peers', and definitely not as pretty as you initially thought it should be, it is still yours, and yours only to see.

Now, if only I can coax my husband to buy me that brand new... hm...

...the number you have dialled has been disconnected...

..morning..

I hate KL pedestrian. Even though I am one. Can I run down one with my car? Would I be arrested? Hm. Don't think so.

*office*

"Good morning, XYZ company."
"Hallo, I thought you want to come over yesterday?"

Shit. How can I forgot?

"Alamak, sorry la. I was called for a discussion.. bla bla bla.."

You know, it really suck if you missed an appointment. What does that shows you? An incompetent person and a liar. Hahahahaah... wow, that is some kind of a reputation to live up to!
Truth is, I don't have a organizer. Funny, for a sales person like me not to have an organizer. But I hate organizer. I am not an organized freak. I don't jot down appointments, I keep it in my head. And when I forget one, I will start banging my head. Because, it's not working, you see? Dang...

Why not putting it up on my blog..? Hmm... not a bad idea..

11 am - DRC Meeting with T.M.L (Menara Citibank)
12.30 noon - Lunch Appt with H.E.S (KLCC)
3.00 pm - Collect SLG Agreement from T.C.P.B (Jalan Riong, Bangsar)
4.00 pm - Discussion on MPLS with B.P.M.B (Jalan Sultan Ismail)

Fuh! One whole day... by the time of my last appointment I sure look like belacan. Smelly, but still tasty... :P *guffaw*

Busy busy busy. Answering phone calls. Entertaining. Fighting. All sorts of things.

Case 1:
"Hey.. I think there is a problem with my phone line."
"Why?"
"I tried calling for MAS hotline number but no one pick up."
....
"Dearie, can you still hear the tone when you pick up your phone?"
"Errr.. yes."
"When you dial, can you hear the dialing tone?"
"Yep..."

(Dalam hati : THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR PHONE ITS THE DAMN MAS AIRLINES IVR WHICH IS NOT WORKING!!!)

"I see... I think there is a problem with MAS number lah dear.." Smile.. Smile..
"Oh.. is it...OK Thanks!"

Crap.. *smacking head with phone receiver*

Case 2:
"Hello, I think my fax line is not working."
"Okey, can it receive incoming fax?"
"Yep."
"Outgoing?"
"Nope."
"I am now checking your account. OK, clear, not suspended..so, have you reported to our call centre?"
"Oh, kena report?"
....
"Okey try like this, try plugging the jack to a phone and try making outbound call. If it is not working, please call my call centre."
"Eh, fax line and phone line same meh?"

(TAKLAH, LAIN, FAX LINE BOLEH KUAR KERTAS HITAM PUTIHHHHH, PHONE LINE BOLEH KUAR SORE, GARAU KE, MERDU KE.. AAARGHH.. SAMA LA...)

".. sama dearie.. try dulu and give me a call after this.."

...toot toot toot...

So between meeting clients, I do a lot of other things as well. All for FREE. You want to try? Call my direct number now. :) You'll see...

...Houston, we got a problem...

*back in the office*

'Toot.. toot.'

"Hi, this is you-know-who. Please leave a you-know-what, you-know-when."

Life's like that. When you need something, it sure gets the kick of not giving it to you.

We are pre-conditioned to obey. To follow the trend. Since the beginning of mankind. Man, hunt. Woman, whatever it is beside hunting. It's normal to condone to such stereotypes. To go against the norm is like going to the mall without wearing your undies. Hold up. Wrong connotation. Without having both your undies AND your pants on. Hm.

There is an expectation to be met in life:

If you are a wife, you are expected to be submissive. (All hail husband!) Not doing so will cost you your after-life to be forever doomed in purgatory. Bad prospect.

If you are an employee, you are expected to perform. Sometimes, at the cost of your life. Cost of your future, cost of your feelings. Cost of your mental health (in my case).

If you are a friend, you are expected to be nice to them. That is why we keep on receiving those "send-this-to-10-friends-or-forever-be-an-outcast" emails. Oh, that .jpeg image of the dancing bear is nice anyway. Spitting image of you, you moron!

If you are a co-worker, you are expected to be cordial to your colleagues. Hm. (Maybe I am not. Since I am always left out during lunch). Go figure. Must be because I did not forward that 'friends forever' emails.

If you are a daughter, you are expected to follow what your parents says. "I know best. Now, take that scholarship and off you go! Oh, I will not cover your expenses now that you are covered. By the way, take IT please. That'll get you a good job with this company."

So, where do all of this put you? Nowhere? Why are we not trained to be selfish? To stand up for what you believe in? To go against the norm and do whatever you pleased? To learn from your mistakes and move forward on your own?

Why do we have all these expectations? Why do we have to conform to these unseen rules? Why do we let other people jam all these crap down your throat and force you to swallow? And why, oh why, when we finally have the strength to stand up and say "Hell with that!", society deems us misfits and left us out in the cold?

Aren't we entitled to our own feelings?

...Horton hears a... WHO?

*bored*



...continued from previous post...

You woke up and you look at me,
Oh, it feels like eternity!
To the shower, you walked slowly,
May I strangle you, my dearie?

"Honey, where is..."

Look at me, please, look closely,
I might be your lovely wifey,
Please remember, I do not carry,
One signboard stating "YOUR NANNY"!

All the way to the office,
Try to make small talk, but none suffice,
Shutting this small orifice,
Seems like ignorance is bliss?

As you drive, I sit next to you,
Putting on my make up like I always do,
You grab my hand, just out of the blue,
Without looking, you say "I Love You".

*wuuhhuuuuuu...*

Dear hunny, you know that I do,
Love you more than you thought you knew,
But one thing that I wish you do,
Please wake up when I ask you to!

...wake me up, before you go go...

*yawn*

Waking up is so hard to do,
When I sleep, baby, next to you,
You sleep like you always do,
How I wish I can be like you...

In the morning as I force my eyes,
To look up at the blue, clear skies,
You are there, dreaming lullabies,
Sleeping, yes, it's one of your vice...

As I drag my arse off the bed,
You still sleep, honey, isn't that great?
Like there's no problem in your head,
Unlike me, dearie, I dare bet!

Cold, hard water,
Running down the shower ,
Work up a lather,
Shampoo? Don't even bother.

Putting on my office attire,
Feels like my life is a living satire,
Working like a mule cart without any tire,
Back during stone age way before fire!

And there I see you still asleep,
Back in my head I start screaming "You *bleep* *bleep*"!
All my trouble seems to be a-heap,
There you are, still counting sheeps?

...to be continued...

Menjaga Hati...?

It has been quite some time.

I was an avid blogger before. Even if my writings are nonsensical and often cynical; I couldn't care less.

But off-late, I could not write anything. Numb.

Time to flex this grey muscle on top of my head. Or, whatever left of it.

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night, and the first thought (or word) that pops up in your head is.. "S-H-I-T."

Guess what? I do. Many times. Wake up. Turn over to husband. Oh, sleeping like a baby. Blink my eyes a few times. Shit. I can't. Just can't. Let's try sleeping in the living room. Tip-toeing slowly with my pillow. Ahh.. bliss.. now I can try sleeping again. Sigh.

Now, that "Shit" can be anything. It can be unfinished office work, haunting you even as you sleep. Or maybe some nagging personal thoughts that you had at the back of your head. It can also be, nothing. That, my friend, is a problem.

A "Nothing-Shit" means you don't know what you don't know, but you tend to worry about it. You woke up, sweating, and your mind started racing. "Shit shit shit.. must be something I did not do before I sleep." Usually it happened to me when I am too overwhelmed. With, I don't know, work? Life?

Stay positive. That is what I was trying to numb my mind with. Positive. Positive. Maybe if I repeat it a hundred times over, my load will be lighter. Hey, ignorance is bliss guys. It does help. Sometimes...Not!

We tend to be afraid of things that we are not sure of. Something that we are not well-versed with, well-prepared for. Something that might sneak off behind your back and caught you off-guard. But, honestly, has it ever happen then? Or is it just in your thoughts...? And if does happen, what is the worst thing that can happen then?

So until then, I'll pray, as I lay my head down to sleep, that the Almighty God would grant me just one wish - "No shit-thoughts tonight."

Oh.. is that a new email notification? SHIT.