...biarkan aku...

*morning*

Acapkali hati ini berdetik
Betapa kerdil aku sebagai insan
Sering kelihatan khilafku sebagai teman

Mungkin pernah keikhlasan itu tersirna
Bila hati ini terungkai layu
Andai pernah sekali rasa itu bertamu
Hanya kemaafan mampu ku unjur buatmu

Aku juga insan sepertimu
Ingin lakaran indah wadah hidupku
Andai kebahagiaan itu bukan milikku
Lempar sahaja menjauh dari hatiku
Jika benar kurnia itu belum terukir namaku

Hela nafas ini belum tentu
Esok juga mungkin bukan untukku
Pada Tuhan aku pohon restuMu
Biar hari ini kurniaan terbaik dariMu
Kurang atau lebih itu yang sempurna bagiku..

..dan doaku agar terbias cahaya zuriat itu untukku.

...ayat-ayat cinta...

*morning*

Dalam kesempatan ruang yang sempit ini,
jika bisa aku lewati saat indah bersama mu,
Nafas ini mungkin tidak cukup panjang,
Tapi cukup untuk aku mensyukuri nikmat itu.

Ku titipkan bicara ini
Bukan hanya bila hati berdetik sepi
Bangkit dari jiwa yang sering
Ingin rasa disayangi.

Andai kata bisa aku lukiskan rasa itu
Pasti sudah aku hamparkan untukmu
Tapi aku gusar andai waktu itu
Hadir tanpa sempat bertamu..

Dalam kekabutan hati yang satu
Hanya ini ingin ku seru
Jiwa ini mungkin pernah semu
Tetapi hati ini tetap teguh untukmu.

Sebaris doa ku titip buat mu
Agar tetap berdiri di sampingku
Dalam tawa, dalam tangis
Biar hati ini pernah terguris
Tapi kasih ini usah biar terhakis...

...happy!

*morning*

Check payslip. Happy.

COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN!

Puas hati aku.

Untuk kerja mengutip hutang yang macam mintak sedekah. Untuk setiap new installation dimana aku bergaduh dengan service engineer dan technical team. Untuk segala masa yang sepatutnya spend berdua dengan hubby tapi instead duduk depan laptop mengandam proposal. Untuk airmata yang tumpah bila kena maki. Untuk bos yang taunya email "Update? Update?"

Untuk family plan yang aku tahan sampai aku cukup duit untuk bercuti tanpa gaji kelak untuk tengok anak aku membesar depan mata dan bukan untuk amah yang jaga. Untuk cuti yang aku spend kat Starbucks sebab aku kena buat kerja walaupun email aku terang2 ada "Out of Office" reply.

Untuk hati yang berdarah bila orang lain boleh balik 5.30 untuk menghadap keluarga dan aku masih mengadap akaun customer. Untuk panggilan waktu malam bila servis pelanggan aku terganggu sedangkan macam la tak ada unit NOC untuk bantu. Untuk segala quotation yang aku harus selesaikan sebelum aku balik ke rumah supaya esok boleh sambung untuk quotation baru.

Untuk semua ini... aku memang berpuas hati.

..solace..

*lunch break*

Hari ni cukup sibuk.

Plus, kalau aku tak sibuk pun aku akan menyibukkan diri aku.

Biasanya kalau aku ada masalah peribadi, aku akan ignore dan keep myself preoccupied with work. Walaupun kerja aku tension, tapi kebanyakannya masih dalam kawalan sendiri. Within my control and power. Solution depan mata.

Tapi masalah peribadi, perlu masa yang panjang untuk diselesaikan. Perlu difikirkan secara mendalam. Perlu diberi tumpuan. Dan aku tak pasti jika aku ada masa untuk itu.

Sebenarnya banyak yang bergolak dalam benak. Tapi aku tak pasti pada siapa harus aku luahkan. Nak cerita pada hubby, aku rasa dia punya masalah lebih, kalau tak pun sama banyak dengan aku.

Bila bercerita dengan kawan, lain yang dalam fikiran, lain pula yang terkeluar jadi perkataan. Ada yang berkecil hati, langsung menjarakkan diri. Entah. Seingat aku, aku yang bermasalah. Adakah mungkin dalam meluahkan apa yang terpendam, aku telah memadamkan sifat kesopanan dari tutur kata yang aku hamparkan?

Aku percaya pada kesetiaan. Pada kesetiakawanan. Lantas agak susah bagi aku mendekatkan diri dengan sesiapa kerana aku pernah kecewa. Dan kini aku masih kecewa...

Apa lagi yang tinggal selain dari melayan perasaaan hati sendiri dan cuba mengubati. Mungkin parut yang terkesan tidak lagi menyakitkan. Itu lebih baik dari membiarkan ia bernanah dan memakan diri.

We are our own best friend, and we cannot expect everyone to understand us. But most important is, just put up a happy front. Others doesn't have to know that you are tethering at the brink of depression. That slowly, you hurt yourselves. That by time, you will experience anxiety. And finally, maybe...

LETTO - Memiliki Kehilangan
------------------------------------
tak mampu melepasnya walau sudah tak ada
hatimu tetap merasa masih memilikinya
rasa kehilangan hanya akan ada
jika kau pernah merasa memilikinya

pernahkah kau mengira kalau dia kan sirna
walau kau tak percaya dengan sepenuh jiwa
rasa kehilangan hanya akan ada
jika kau pernah merasa memilikinya

pernahkah kau mengira kalau dia kan sirna
walau kau tak percaya dengan sepenuh jiwa
rasa kehilangan hanya akan ada
jika kau pernah merasa memilikinya

...remember when...

*lunch break*


I was glancing at my whiteboard as I typed. Something caught my attention. You know, I taped a piece of paper with a picture of a small kitten staring at its reflection on the mirror, but the reflection is of a lion. It simply says 'What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself".


So true.


Let me tell you a story about my dad.

At times when other friends' parents are the typical estate workers, teachers, policemen, *you get my drift*, my dad is the only one who work in the telephone company in that small town. He was away most of the time. Away for training in KL. Away for work, coming home late at night.

At times, we would have people knocking on our door at night, just to complain to my dad that his home telephone line is not working. And he actually went off to see to that. At that time, we don't have 100. No NOC. It's just, go to the telephone man (my dad) and he'll sort it out.

He picked me up from school using one of the company car (the one with the Jabatan Telekom logo on it), he sent me off to school with one of the cable truck (the big one for carrying the copper cable). Sounds like improper usage of company's asset. Hehe.


He introduced me to the communication technology at that time when I was in kindergarten. The first punch tape. Looks like braille but it's not. Then the old switchboard, flicked a few switches and I can hear my mom at the end of the line. Then he shows me the cabin, where all the telephone equipment was stored. Cold! All the computers.. so the canggih one. (At that time la.)


See, I was exposed to this company at a verly early age. How time changes. He instilled his pride for working in this company in me. He said, this company is being built by the Malaysian people. The taxpayer's money is used to build this telephone company, so we have to serve the Malaysian people. Give them what they need; telecommunication services. Work with intergrity.


My dad retired 1 year ago. He is still proud of the fact that he served the company for 30 years! 30 long.. long years... And guess what? He was not even being promoted! Yes, he's a bit bitter about it. But truth be told, what matters most is not the promotion...

Coming back to the motto that I taped on my whiteboard, my dad believe that what matters most is how he sees himself. Yes, he was not promoted. But he didn't see himself as an old, 'useless-to-the-eyes-of-his-boss' worker who was side-stepped so many times for promotion. He sees himself as an example to his children; that with perseverence, you will reap the benefits in the end. For him, there is no other pride than to see one of his child in a higher and better position than him, in the same company he has been working for 30 years.

How can I not have the same spirit that he had nurture within himself?

...Happy Birthday!

*morning at Starbucks KLCC*

Bliss. Bangun pagi. Check SMS.

"Happy Birthday!"

Heh, genap 27 tahun umo aku hari ni.

The author.. lepaking with a Grande Vanilla Latte.

Ada sesetengah orang stop celebrating birthday sebab ngeri dengan pertambahan umur. They just stop at a certain age. Me? I love my birthday. It reminds me of something extra special that happened in my life, in which I was given the opportunity by God, and by my loving parents, to be born into this world.

So birthday is not actually for you to think that it is one day for others to treat you extra special. It's for you to show your gratitude to the Almighty; with His Grace, you are who you are today. And show your appreciation to both Mom and Dad. Say 'thank you' for all the good life and love that they have showered you all along the way. And even if they suck at being your parents sometimes, you still owe them your life. (Hey, they are also human, like us, who screw up now and then). Remember that, always.

And don't forget all the friends that has been with you, through thick and thin. Who stands by you when you are down. Who lent you their ears when you feel like talking incoherently about how suck your job is. Who let you cry when you feel unworthy of yourselves.

To the special someone who never fails to kiss you goodnight. Who still adores you no matter how old and wrinkly you might get. Who love you unconditionally even if you hurt their feelings at times.

Without them, would you be able to live to this day?

Meet my new friend, Fifi. Thanks hun!

...Nanny McPhee...

*kat rumah*

Menghitung jam. Umo aku nak dekat 27 ni hah. :-)

Aku nak share a few photos of Amir and his nieces / nephews. Anak kakak2 aku... Dah ada tokoh jadik bapak orang pun... ;-)

So, bila pulak nak tengok dia dukung anak aku yek? Time will tell.. heh.

Asyran Ibrahim & Asyran Ibtisam

Fariz Azraei

Adrianna Batrisyia - latest addition to the family

Adiba Damia

...sandaran hati...

Saturday.

Woke up. After one night sleeping alone in a hotel room in JB, I am so relieved to see a familiar figure next to me. God. I hate travelling alone. Would rather not do it again.

It was quite tiring yesterday. I spent the whole Thursday meeting with my partners in Singapore. Coffee chat with Rachel. She looks radiant, albeit worrying about her waist size. Hey girl, aren't we the same? He he. I missed chatting with her. And my friends there too. Saw Pacnet Malaysia team there. Hm. In all the places... But thankfully I did not go to the event. Or else, I will meet all the familiar faces I always see in HQ. Like, Malaysia Hall in London. This time around, Malaysia Hall in... Suntec City? I'll be damned.

I did not get to do any shopping in Singapore. Hey, try converting it to RM. Even after 70% I'll still be broke. And with the hike in gas price, better not splurge on that Guess handbag. Anyway, their fashion trend is more or less the same with KL. So, might as well buy here than over there...

Today I felt... happy. I missed my husband terribly while away on working assignment, so today I make it up to him by letting him wake up later than usual. Brewed his fav mug of coffee. Did all the laundry before he wakes up so that I get to spend more time with him when he's awake. All the small things that I missed doing all week. You'll be surprised how small things like that really matter when you are married. Before, you kind of take it for granted.

Okey, I would not bore you with my marital bliss...

Anyway, I want to share with you this song lyric. I like this song. It reminds me of something that I have, sometimes, ignored. My most important relationship, and I took it for granted. Because this relationship never fails me. Never once.

It's my relationship with God.

Sandaran Hati - Letto
---------------------------
Yakinkah ku berdiri
Di hampar tanpa tepi
Bolehkah aku
MendengarMu

Terkubur dalam emosi
Tanpa bisa bersembunyi
Aku dan nafasku
MerindukanMu

Terpuruk ku di sini
Teraniaya sepi
Dan ku tahu pasti
Kau menemani

Dalam hidupku
Kesendirianku

Teringat ku teringat
Pada janjiMu ku terikat
Hanya sekejap ku berdiri
Kulakukan sepenuh hati
Peduli ku peduli
Siang dan malam yang berganti
Sedihku ini tak ada arti
Jika Kaulah sandaran hati
Kaulah sandaran hati
Sandaran hati

Inikah yang Kau mau
Benarkah ini jalanMu
Hanyalah Engkau yang ku tuju
Pegang erat tanganku
Bimbing langkah kakiku
Aku hilang arah
Tanpa hadirMu
Dalam gelapnya
Malam hariku

...sick of you...

*@ office*

I hate some of the people who worked around me (that, dear friends, includes my big boss.. oops.). They sucked the energy out of me, drained me dry towards the end of the day. So, this song aptly sums it all up... here goes...

A Place For My Head - Linkin Park
-----------------------------------------
I watch how the
Moon sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming
The moon’s going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do
Favors and then rapidly You just
Turn around and start asking me
about
Things that you want back from me

I’m sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don’t understand
(You’ll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe someday I’ll be just like you and
Step on people like you do and Run
Away from the people I thought I knew

I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm used to be strong
Used to be generous but you should’ve known
That you’d
Wear out your welcome now you see
How quiet it is all alone
I’m so
Sick of the tension sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I’m so
Sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest
You try to take the best of me

Go away

...lompat, si katak lompat!

..working, from home.

Aku amik cuti sebab aku tak nak masuk office minggu ni. Banyak proposal aku pending sebab aku tak sempat buat sebab waktu office hour aku perlu bekerja dengan team internal yang akan off handphone / tak jawab phone / tak baca email lepas jam 5.30 petang. So, masa aku instead of habis dengan client, biasanya akan habis mengejar orang2 ini supaya kerja aku siap.

Bercerita tentang kerja aku ni kan, aku tak suka buat magic masa kerja. Contoh buat magic ialah; main lompat tikam. Hahahaha... Anyway, what I meant is kalau biasanya service installation amik masa 7 hari, aku tak suka buat dalam masa 2 hari. Sebab:

1) Order lain pun banyak kena beratur. Sekali aku main 'lompat tikam', order orang lain akan pending dan menyebabkan kerja orang lain jadi lambat dan kemudiannya orang itu akan menyumpah aku hidup2.

2) Ini akan menyebabkan sesetengah client merasakan dia sangat istimewa kerana order dia boleh main 'lompat tikam' walaupun secara zahirnya dia bayau sama jek dengan orang lain yang kena amik giliran.

3) Ini akan menyebabkan sesetengah client ingat dengan melalak kepada COO ordernya itu akan berjalan dengan lancar, sedangkan aku hanya ikut prosedur iaitu 7 hari bekerja. So sebab dia 'lompat tikam', aku kena 'lompat galah'?

Dalam kes ini aku sangat tak setuju dengan top management aku yang suka beri preferences kepada sesetengah client yang kalau ikutkan bukan top revenue contributor pun pada company tempat aku bekerja ni. Oh, so this client is a strategic partner? Hello, buat background check please.. tak semuanya betul, ada tu just take us for granted OK... Asal kenal itu 'Latuk' atas semua boleh jalan dengan lajunya.

Apalah salahnya be firm on the directives that you actually have provided as a guideline? Pada aku, itu serupa cakap tak serupa bikin. Kalau 7 hari, 7 hari la. Paling-paling pun exception mungkin kita boleh expedite mana-mana process yang tak perlu memakan masa yang panjang. Tapi hari ni keluar order esok pasang? Hey, ingat satu hari cuma sepuluh order yang datang? Dan for all you know, by jumping queue, you are not being fair to the other clients who actually had to wait for their turn, as if you are paying more, but you are not!

Aku marah ni bukan apa, ada sesetengah pihak yang take it for granted that we can provide you special treatment just because you press our 'Panic Button' - which is the 'Latuk' up there. C'mon...get another day job please...

...happy, happy days...

bored bored bored.. so much time, so little things to do...

So, what does a bored woman do to fill her past time?

Audit time!

Yep, I am a freak. I need to get myself a new hobby.

After doing the laundry and all the boring sweat stuff a wife always do during the weekend, I decided to clear out some unwanted items from my husband's office suite. Well, well, whaddaya know. I found some memorabilia. Many of them, of course, were dated way back from our uni time. My letters to him (ahem), some of our gifts to each other (mostly chocolates, and he kept all the wrappers! Euww...oh silap.. Aawwwww...)

One worthy to be mentioned is a birthday card from our friends to him. Actually, some girl friends. Don't get me wrong, I am not jealous. Heck, those girls know him well before I did. But I heard that he was actually interested with one of the girl. Before he met me. Heh.

By the way, for those of you who live in a small 3-room apartment like me, do organize and audit your home at least once in 3 months. It's important for you to clear off all items which have never seen the light of the day for more than 6 months, because you would never use them anyway. Like, hey I might use this later, this just need some fixing, I might need to read this.. etc. Because, if you are busy just like me, what are the chances that you will use them again? Like, never?

Plus, don't be too sentimental. Yep, you can keep some stuffs to remind you of your old days in college with your loved one (or ones.. he he). But why waste a lot of storage for memories? Especially if the gifts are not from your boyfriend who end up being your husband. Keeping them spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Hey, men do not appreciate competition, not from ex-es. :P

Other things that need to be stored and stowed away are wedding tokens. You know, those nice ceramic trinket boxes, those hand-held fans, the hankies, the glasses... it's very difficult to throw them out, isn't it? The bride and groom go all the way to give every attending guest something to bring back home, to remind you that yes, it's a happy occassion...

As much as I appreciate all of them, there will be time when you think.. hm... what do we do with these stuffs when it starts overflowing...?

But keeping them on display would just gather dust, and as pretty as it might be on the shelves, after a while you will definitely regret it once you have to start cleaning them. Especially now that you have kids... (snicker)...

Just to share with you my collection...

All nice and flowery...
How many you'd reckon you need, to keep yourselves cool...in a marriage?

...and many more!

... 'green'-day

*evening*

Two posts in a day!

I was quite stressed up yesterday. Well, when you get to know one of your colleague has joined the exclusive club of "preggy-hood" from another colleague who then rub a big pinch of salt in the wound by asking "Kau bila lagi nak mengandung ni? 'I' dah, 'H' dah, 'WF' dah... bla bla bla,", of course la aku rasa tak best. There I was, trying to slot in one installation for my client, and this girl who works at the appointment centre was giving me her two-cent worth. Hey, I got work to do... HELLO..

Aku tak mau komen banyak pasal kisah aku tak menambah umat Nabi ni. Memang pilihan sendiri. Aku senang begini. Berdua laki bini. Nanti, bila aku dah ready. Buat masa ni, jangan tanya lagi. Sebab aku benci.

So, what do a scorned woman do? What else, play golf! Golf...?

There I was, not knowing the difference between a 'boogey' or a 'birdie'. What birdie? I think it's a kind of an endangered species... NOT! I even got it wrong when pronouncing 'putting'. (Now I know, 'putting' as in 'cutting', not 'cooking'. Yikes!) As I picked up my club (hey don't even ask me what kind), I had this one puzzled look on my face... "What the hell am I doing here, again?"

Thank God, this class is for ladies only, so I had fun with my fellow lady-golfers... I bet we were the 'flowers' on the green. Hey, I saw men stealing glances at us. Heh. How cool is that?

I am sharing my first taste of golf with you...

Yep, KGPA... my playground for the day...

Will I be amongst the great ones?

Weapon of choice!

"Ladies, now do grab some balls.." Ball-grabbing; fun!

Bend your leg, spread a bit.. yeah..

...so, until next class, see you at the green!

..leave it...

Feeling a bit melancholic lately...

This is to all of you who still remember me way back in college, uni.. and maybe, work..

Leave Out All The Rest
I dreamt I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are...

...wonderful world...

*Afternoon*

I have nothing to update. Just to share with you this song lyric... I think this reflects my feelings as of now..

Wonderful World lyrics
I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again
I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again
And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now

Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me...

...mamee monster...

(lakonan semula)

Aku terjaga dari tidur. Jam di handphone menunjukkan tepat jam 4 pagi. Aku menggosok mata dengan perlahan-lahan. Berjalan ke bilik air. Ku lihat lampu 'wet kitchen' masih menyala. Perlahan-lahan aku melangkah ke dapur, ku jengah ke luar tingkap... tiba-tiba...

Satu, dua. Eh, tiga, empat.. siapa tu? Warnanya.. hitam. Berbulu. Ada... 4?

"Abang. Bangun!"

Bingkas bangkit suami ku dari tidur. Terus terduduk.

"Hah?"

"Abang... CHOMEL BERANAK! 4 EKORRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Ya. Kucingku beranak lagi. Hampas. Bila masa...? Untuk tatapan kalian, we have welcomed 4 new members in our clan!

Teeny Tiny Kittens...4 of them!

Chomel, the proud mama.. Hm. Off to the vet! Castration needed.

Owh, this is not the proud father, and I am referring to the left one. :P Sorry bro.

Bontam, you.. you! Well, can't blame the tomcat for being so frisky. Off to the vet you go!

...mamma mia, here I go again...

Good Morning!

Semalam balik office lambat. Hubby and wifey kena kerja sampai malam. Huhuhuh..

Kelmarin aku sembang dengan kakak sulung aku. Topic paling hangat yang aku bincangkan ialah topik menjaga adat. Kenapa? Sebab ia bersangkut paut dengan satu budaya orang Melayu yang aku kureng setuju, iaitu bercukur jambul dan melenggang perut.

Kenapa aku tak setuju? Sebab pada aku cukur jambul tu bukan amalan yang betul. I mean, yeah, orang akan kata, ada marhaban.. and such, tapi that is not what our Prophet do right? Like, tak pernah pulak la ada dalam hadis yang menyatakan kita kena pusing keliling, cukur rambut baby and letak dalam air kelapa? What is the rationale? Nasib baik budak tu kecik lagi and tak faham, kalau besar sikit mau trauma budak tu. Dah, gaya rambut dia ditentukan oleh sekumpulan masyarakat yang I bet bukan semua tukang gunting rambut.. hmm...

And satu lagi yang aku tak setuju semasa cukur jambul is amalan campak duit syiling dengan gula-gula untuk direbut. Ada orang buat camtu. Kat kampung la. Kenapa tak suruh je budak2 tu beratur sorang-sorang, kalau ye la nak menderma kan? Berebut-rebut camtu. Kesian.

Pada aku cukup dengan buat kenduri doa selamat and buat akikah. Aktiviti tu pun dah cukup untuk merapatkan silaturrahim antara orang kampung. Tak payah nak buat yang pelik2...

Satu lagi yang aku rasa cam dah tak payah la buat ialah 'melenggang perut'. Gelek perut mak budak tu dengan kelapa, nak tau jantina lelaki ke perempuan. Like, kita kan dah ada ultrasound? Lagi best, boleh nampak budak tu lelaki ke perempuan. 3D lagi. Boleh print lagi! I mean, there is someting that we call medical advancement, isn't it? Buat kenduri untuk mak budak tu cukup la. Better still, doakan kesejahteraan mak budak and budak yang bakal lahir tu. Lagi berkat.

Now, the reason why aku pangkah ni sebab it happens to my own family member. My own sister. Aku rasa she's wise enough to know that these cultures are not right, and it is not being practiced in our family. Tapi tulah, bila kita dah jadi a part of another family, I can understand why she has no choice. But I still believe that how you shape your family, starts with having your own stand and say in your family, for your family. If it's not right, say so...

...booty-zilla...

*nak dekat tengahari*

Aku sembang dengan member aku hari ni. Perbualan berkisar tentang 'body issues'. Hm, topic yang biasa kita dengar.

Aku antara yang dulunye (mark my word, 'dulunye') tak perlu gusar tentang berat badan. Wah gitu! Makan ape pun aku masih nampak skinny. Skinny chic. Twiggy? That's me baby...

Tapi.. tapi... itu semua sudah berubah...

Satu hari aku perasan seluar aku semua dah tak muat. Kalau muat pun, sendat. Dah la sendat, aku nak berjalan pun penat. Penat? Penat tau...

Semakin kita mengalami proses kematangan, body kita dah tak membakar lemak macam masa kita kat university dulu. Wahh... dulu aku pergi kelas, jalan kaki! Jauh tau. Itu baru jalan kaki pergi kelas, pi Pasar Malam Taman Kerjasama? Ingat dekat ek dari Taman Bukit Beruang Utama tu? Berpeluh ketiak tau! Seb baik masa tu dah ade boyfriend, tak kisah la kan awek yang jalan seblah dia tu berpeluh. Heh. Sayang punye pasal. And kalau ingat balik, aku selalu jugak jalan kaki gi rumah boyfriend (hantar barang tau, bukan pi lepak umah dia), main basketball. Jogging. Mendaki bukit belakang tu (walaupun sampai atas muka aku dah biru).

Active! Memang la keping.

Tapi bila dah kerja, paling paling exercise aku ialah jalan kaki pi jalan tengah kat belakang office aku utk tapau nasik hari jumaat. Or skang jauh sikit la, jalan kaki pi LRT. Waktu balik SAHAJA. Plus, aku dah kurang bersenam. Dulu masa kawan aku ramai bujang, ade jugak la nak main futsal sebulan sekali. Skang, semua yang bujang, dah kawin, plus dah membawak budak. Mana la nak main futsal lagi...

Kalau ada orang yang nampak aku sekarang, they always say that aku tak banyak berubah pun. Masih keping cam dulu. Tapi, underneath this baju, aku (dan Tuhan..) yang tahu.

Bila body dah tak rasa.. cam dulu, it really affects your confidence. Sekarang, nak gayakan seluar pun aku fikir 5-6 kali. Suit aku seluar dah kena pakai M (dulu S ok?). Bila nak pergi kerja, aku pening nak fikir baju apa yang boleh menyorokkan lower portion body aku yang semakin tak sekata ni. Bukan setakat baju, tang muka pun aku dah naik sebu menengoknye. Makin gebu! Tak nampak dah jaw line. Yang aku nampak? Bumper, tang dagu. Double you...

This is depressing. Hmm.. nak makan eskrem coklat lah. ;-P

..sambungan kerja tangan.. :P

Banyak tak?

Ini satu lagi version... yang clear plastic.. chomel tak?

Hari ni aku duduk rumah. Duduk dengan mak. Best duduk dengan mak.. :-)

So semalaman aku mengandam hadiah utk party akak aku ni. Sampai jam 2 pagi. Mak aku dari bersembang, tau tau dah tidur.. punya la nak temankan aku buat sampai siap.. Boleh bukak bisnes ni.

Pada siapa-siapa yang rasa cam nak test kerja tangan aku, boleh la contact.. aku bagi POC free. Tapi bahan kena la bagi. :P

Ciao~!

*pagi*

Mak bancuhkan nescafe panas. Semakin berat kaki ni nak pergi kerja. Setiap kali mak datang rumah aku mesti malas nak pergi office. Masih rasa nak tidur dengan mak. Tapi mak faham, anak dia yang sorang ni kaki kerja. Dia datang pun aku tak ambik cuti.

Tapi pagi tadi aku terasa jugak la bila mak aku cakap gini "Mak pi rumah Kak Uda pagi ni, sebab rumah ni tak ada orang." Adus.. Tapi lepas tu mak sambung.."Nanti malam mak datang lagi, mak tidur rumah kamu." Yeay yeay...

Apapun aku akan EL esok. Nasib la.

Ini mak aku masih muda, masih gagah nak ke sana ke mari. Satu hari nanti mak aku mesti akan tua. Dan semestinya sebagai anak aku akan ambik giliran utk jaga dia. So, masa tu adakah aku akan macam ni, pergi ofis pagi dan tinggalkan mak aku sendirian kat rumah? Lu fikirlah sendiri, bak kata Nabil.

Tapi dalam keadaan ekonomi yang kian gawat (si bodo mana yang naikkan harga minyak semalam?) aku tak pasti sama ada aku mampu untuk menguruskan orang tua aku. Serius. Aku sudah pasti perlu bekerja (masa tu adakah aku masih digajikan? Dibuatnya kena CSS?). Zaman sekarang tak sama macam zaman dulu kala. 5 tahun dulu bila aku baru mula kerja, aku menyimpan azam, satu hari nanti aku mampu bersara awal, dan boleh jaga mak aku bila mak aku dah tua.

Tapi sekarang aku rasa susahnya nak berhenti. Economy-wise, it looks gloomy and depressing. Dengan gaji aku hubby and wifey ni memang susah rasanya nak fikirkan begitu.

Aku kini perlu fikirkan macam mana nak kurengkan perbelanjaan bulanan:

1) No more fancy restaurant. Aku kena limitkan cuma sebulan sekali makan kat tempat yang agak pergh harganya (dulu ikut suka..).

2) Naik LRT (walaupun aku rasa by the time aku sampai opis aku dah rupa macam harimau belang, aku akan gagahkan jugak).

3) Okey, that Newsweek and TIME magazine? Walaupun ada tax deduction, takleh nak beli every week seperti yang aku buat sekarang. So baca online aje la.

4) Lupakan handbag baru berjenama.. oh Braun Buffel ku.. tak dapek la nak beli yang itu...

5) Baju baru? Tiada lagi sebulan sekali. Isk isk..

6) Lebih rajin buat claim T&T. :)

...aku rasa aku boleh! Ye boleh!

*Office*

Okey, as promised, I'll show you the end product of my labour last nite. My husband remarked that I hated the gifts so much, I actually had written about it 5 times in my previous blogs. Yep. Finally, something constructive done!

The hated item...

Some sweet stuff, you can get this for RM5.79 at local Tesco Stores for 70 pcs...


Wrapping papers.. shiny ones...

Tadaa.. but I havent got the time to buy the ribbon for this, so use this one first..

Finally! All 6 of them...

So, be creative! :-)

I have another 8 sets to work with.. my target date? The end of the week.. then off these go to my sister's party next week.. yiehakkk...

...what you give.. you get back.. then you regift..

*blur...*

Slept late last night. Woke up to my mobile phone alarm, just to switch it off and slipped back under the thick, cosy comforter. Eh wait, haven't pray yet. Better pray first, then can go back to sleep. ZzzzZzZzzz..

Anyway, the reason for the candle-burning night is not as kinky as I hope it should be. Sorry to disappoint (you pervvv...). Last night, it was Audit Night. One more time!

You remember I wrote about not being an organized freak. Yep, in that sense, when it comes to work. But looking into my closet, and you will see a compulsive, obsessive freak written all over it. Even worse. My garments are arranged into types of garment; blouse to the left, baju kurung on the right. By color. Different hanger for different outfit; red for baju kurung, black for my cocktail tops and shirts, white for my casual tops.

Last night it was my kitchen cabinet's turn. You see, I have been keeping all my wedding gifts, thinking that one day, ONE day, I will be able to use them for dinner parties, or Hari Raya.. etc. Hey. That, my friends, is a BIG mistake. You will never use your wedding gifts. Because, let's be honest, those people who actually purchase it for you don't even intend to get it for themselves. Like, hell, I am not going to use this, but it's a great gift because:

1) It's practical.. (the newly-weds sure needs all these tumblers, corningware-wannabees stuff. A lot of it!)
2) It comes in a big box (hey, if I come with this big box of mug and hangers sets, they sure love it! The bigger the better!)
3) Well.. for whatever reason, I think they might need this hideous set of tea set.

I mean, yeah, the intention behind the gifts is good. But the gifts suck. Big time.

So what did I do with the gift? What else? I re-gift! But not the whole stack.. I'm not that 'keji'... Unpack it individually. Put some candies in. Wrap in wrapping plastic, put ribbon on top. Taadaaaaa!! Perfect for any parties, as doorgift, as parting gifts. I'll show you the end result tomorrow. ;-)

Now that I have more space in my kitchen cabinet, I can definitely buy that original corningware set... *wink wink*

...momma.. I lap you...

*morning*

Ola!

Today is going to be a great day...NOT!

*Groan*. I had to literally drag myself from the bed this morning. Last night was entertaining night. In-laws came for a surprise visit. 'Surprise! We brought something for you guys!' Smile... smile.. Not that I have something against visiting in-laws (as surprising as it always be), but sometimes how I wish I can spend my weekend afternoon and night alone, after all the house chores are done, watching TV.. *sigh*.. hey, at least my husband has to bear the same if MY parents come to visit...which is pretty soon.. he he...

Now, we always have this one stereotype against our in-laws. Mother-in-laws to be exact. Some people think that mom-in-laws can be quite... condescending, and experience varies from one in-law to another. Yeah I know. But surprisingly, my mom-in-law is not quite what I have expected before I got married. Well, I expect her to be... like my mom. My mom IS the typical mom-in-law. Ask any one of my bro-in-laws, even if they do not want to admit it to me, I know secretly that they harbour that same feelings.. heh.

My mom-in-law, or Ibu, never once criticize me for not able to cook for my husband, let alone cook for her family when she comes to visit (she cooked when she came over). We are more like friends, its very easy to talk to her, and she has this infectious giggle whenever she shares some amusing tales of her neighbours. And after 4 years of childless marriage, never once did she pressures me to 'go get pregnant, girl'. Not even a hint.

So when one day I decided to bring my mom-in-law back with me to Johor to visit my parents, to go 'jalan-jalan', I was taken aback with my friends' reaction to that. "What?".."Serious?" Like, it's the strangest thing in the world to do. What, people don't do that with their in-laws? What's wrong? Am I not normal..?

Hm...

..sing-a-long with me...

*Layan mp3*

Aku memang kaki dengar music. Macam2 genre aku layan, ikut mood. Kadang2 aku layan pop, ada masa aku layan rock kangkang. Bila aku marah, aku layan lagu yang gendang dia bisa bikin gegendang telinga aku melayang. Heh. Bila aku rasa mellow, aku layan balada. Ada juga masa bila tengah beringat tu, aku layan la nasyid. Hm.

Masa aku kecik, abah ada a few catridges (dia rupanya cam oversize cassette). Aku tak berapa ingat la lagu apa, tapi yang aku tau, catridge tu besar! Macam peanut butter sandwich saiznye, hahahaha.. Then dia pernah bagi aku dengar kaset P. Ramlee dia, pakai walkman Sony kebanggaan dia tu. (Kebanggaan sebab dia dapat hadiah walkman tu dari Kedutaan Jepun @Malaysia, panjang citernye, nanti la post lain aku cerita). Ada jugak lagu Dato' Shake. Aku minat Dato' Shake. "Dari kegagalan, satu percintaan ku alami.."

Bila aku sekolah rendah, masa tu tengah kemuncak rock melayu. Aku boleh hafal lagu Search, Wings, Satria, Ekamatra, Kris, Bumiputera Rockers.. to name a few la. Bayang la, budak darjah satu nyanyi lagu "Sejati". Itu la aku.

Lepas tu bila aku darjah 5-6, tiba tiba datang pulak zaman Rap. Zaman Fiona 4u2c. Zaman pakai CD kat leher. Aku tak berapa suka sangat zaman rap and hip hop. Pada aku lagu rap lagu membazir, buat gubahan lagu tapi last last bercakap. Tak ke penat?

Then come high school, and the Eddie Hamid's songs seems to be the hype! Ya Rabbi, tangkap leleh belaka! Data, EYE, SCOIN, ape ke mende nama tu, Spoon? That is also the year of boy bands - BSB, N-Sync, dan yang seboy-band dengannya... Nick Carter... cute nye... *sigh*

And of course, Siti Nurhaliza. Seb baik masa tu ada Siti Nurhaliza, aku boleh survive la, plus aku minat Siti masa tu. Hehe.. Punya la aku minat Siti, aku ada full collection cassette dia dari first album, sampai la ke yang terbaru sekali. Even tho sekarang aku dah tak berkenan dengan dia, surprisingly aku masih beli CD dia. Yang ori! Hell.

So bila dah keje sekarang ni, aku dah tak berapa follow la. Ape, Miley Cirus? Tu bukan umo aku. The Jonah Bro? Jauh la sekali. Hip hop aku memang tak suka langsung. Penat dengar orang bercakap.. So aku layan lagu2 yang disumbangkan oleh laki aku, dia rajin donlod. Makanye sekarang ni dia tgh gile donlod lagu Indonesia, sikit tahun lagi aku dah boleh ber'ngomongin' dengan dia. Heh. Pak.. sudah kamu donlod lagu nya? Best bangett.. dengarin sambil minum es bandrekk.. hahahahahah.. gile gile..

Ciao dulu. Aku nak pi makan malam.. adios...