...biarkan aku...

*morning*

Acapkali hati ini berdetik
Betapa kerdil aku sebagai insan
Sering kelihatan khilafku sebagai teman

Mungkin pernah keikhlasan itu tersirna
Bila hati ini terungkai layu
Andai pernah sekali rasa itu bertamu
Hanya kemaafan mampu ku unjur buatmu

Aku juga insan sepertimu
Ingin lakaran indah wadah hidupku
Andai kebahagiaan itu bukan milikku
Lempar sahaja menjauh dari hatiku
Jika benar kurnia itu belum terukir namaku

Hela nafas ini belum tentu
Esok juga mungkin bukan untukku
Pada Tuhan aku pohon restuMu
Biar hari ini kurniaan terbaik dariMu
Kurang atau lebih itu yang sempurna bagiku..

..dan doaku agar terbias cahaya zuriat itu untukku.

...ayat-ayat cinta...

*morning*

Dalam kesempatan ruang yang sempit ini,
jika bisa aku lewati saat indah bersama mu,
Nafas ini mungkin tidak cukup panjang,
Tapi cukup untuk aku mensyukuri nikmat itu.

Ku titipkan bicara ini
Bukan hanya bila hati berdetik sepi
Bangkit dari jiwa yang sering
Ingin rasa disayangi.

Andai kata bisa aku lukiskan rasa itu
Pasti sudah aku hamparkan untukmu
Tapi aku gusar andai waktu itu
Hadir tanpa sempat bertamu..

Dalam kekabutan hati yang satu
Hanya ini ingin ku seru
Jiwa ini mungkin pernah semu
Tetapi hati ini tetap teguh untukmu.

Sebaris doa ku titip buat mu
Agar tetap berdiri di sampingku
Dalam tawa, dalam tangis
Biar hati ini pernah terguris
Tapi kasih ini usah biar terhakis...

...happy!

*morning*

Check payslip. Happy.

COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN! COMMISSION IN!

Puas hati aku.

Untuk kerja mengutip hutang yang macam mintak sedekah. Untuk setiap new installation dimana aku bergaduh dengan service engineer dan technical team. Untuk segala masa yang sepatutnya spend berdua dengan hubby tapi instead duduk depan laptop mengandam proposal. Untuk airmata yang tumpah bila kena maki. Untuk bos yang taunya email "Update? Update?"

Untuk family plan yang aku tahan sampai aku cukup duit untuk bercuti tanpa gaji kelak untuk tengok anak aku membesar depan mata dan bukan untuk amah yang jaga. Untuk cuti yang aku spend kat Starbucks sebab aku kena buat kerja walaupun email aku terang2 ada "Out of Office" reply.

Untuk hati yang berdarah bila orang lain boleh balik 5.30 untuk menghadap keluarga dan aku masih mengadap akaun customer. Untuk panggilan waktu malam bila servis pelanggan aku terganggu sedangkan macam la tak ada unit NOC untuk bantu. Untuk segala quotation yang aku harus selesaikan sebelum aku balik ke rumah supaya esok boleh sambung untuk quotation baru.

Untuk semua ini... aku memang berpuas hati.

..solace..

*lunch break*

Hari ni cukup sibuk.

Plus, kalau aku tak sibuk pun aku akan menyibukkan diri aku.

Biasanya kalau aku ada masalah peribadi, aku akan ignore dan keep myself preoccupied with work. Walaupun kerja aku tension, tapi kebanyakannya masih dalam kawalan sendiri. Within my control and power. Solution depan mata.

Tapi masalah peribadi, perlu masa yang panjang untuk diselesaikan. Perlu difikirkan secara mendalam. Perlu diberi tumpuan. Dan aku tak pasti jika aku ada masa untuk itu.

Sebenarnya banyak yang bergolak dalam benak. Tapi aku tak pasti pada siapa harus aku luahkan. Nak cerita pada hubby, aku rasa dia punya masalah lebih, kalau tak pun sama banyak dengan aku.

Bila bercerita dengan kawan, lain yang dalam fikiran, lain pula yang terkeluar jadi perkataan. Ada yang berkecil hati, langsung menjarakkan diri. Entah. Seingat aku, aku yang bermasalah. Adakah mungkin dalam meluahkan apa yang terpendam, aku telah memadamkan sifat kesopanan dari tutur kata yang aku hamparkan?

Aku percaya pada kesetiaan. Pada kesetiakawanan. Lantas agak susah bagi aku mendekatkan diri dengan sesiapa kerana aku pernah kecewa. Dan kini aku masih kecewa...

Apa lagi yang tinggal selain dari melayan perasaaan hati sendiri dan cuba mengubati. Mungkin parut yang terkesan tidak lagi menyakitkan. Itu lebih baik dari membiarkan ia bernanah dan memakan diri.

We are our own best friend, and we cannot expect everyone to understand us. But most important is, just put up a happy front. Others doesn't have to know that you are tethering at the brink of depression. That slowly, you hurt yourselves. That by time, you will experience anxiety. And finally, maybe...

LETTO - Memiliki Kehilangan
------------------------------------
tak mampu melepasnya walau sudah tak ada
hatimu tetap merasa masih memilikinya
rasa kehilangan hanya akan ada
jika kau pernah merasa memilikinya

pernahkah kau mengira kalau dia kan sirna
walau kau tak percaya dengan sepenuh jiwa
rasa kehilangan hanya akan ada
jika kau pernah merasa memilikinya

pernahkah kau mengira kalau dia kan sirna
walau kau tak percaya dengan sepenuh jiwa
rasa kehilangan hanya akan ada
jika kau pernah merasa memilikinya

...remember when...

*lunch break*


I was glancing at my whiteboard as I typed. Something caught my attention. You know, I taped a piece of paper with a picture of a small kitten staring at its reflection on the mirror, but the reflection is of a lion. It simply says 'What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself".


So true.


Let me tell you a story about my dad.

At times when other friends' parents are the typical estate workers, teachers, policemen, *you get my drift*, my dad is the only one who work in the telephone company in that small town. He was away most of the time. Away for training in KL. Away for work, coming home late at night.

At times, we would have people knocking on our door at night, just to complain to my dad that his home telephone line is not working. And he actually went off to see to that. At that time, we don't have 100. No NOC. It's just, go to the telephone man (my dad) and he'll sort it out.

He picked me up from school using one of the company car (the one with the Jabatan Telekom logo on it), he sent me off to school with one of the cable truck (the big one for carrying the copper cable). Sounds like improper usage of company's asset. Hehe.


He introduced me to the communication technology at that time when I was in kindergarten. The first punch tape. Looks like braille but it's not. Then the old switchboard, flicked a few switches and I can hear my mom at the end of the line. Then he shows me the cabin, where all the telephone equipment was stored. Cold! All the computers.. so the canggih one. (At that time la.)


See, I was exposed to this company at a verly early age. How time changes. He instilled his pride for working in this company in me. He said, this company is being built by the Malaysian people. The taxpayer's money is used to build this telephone company, so we have to serve the Malaysian people. Give them what they need; telecommunication services. Work with intergrity.


My dad retired 1 year ago. He is still proud of the fact that he served the company for 30 years! 30 long.. long years... And guess what? He was not even being promoted! Yes, he's a bit bitter about it. But truth be told, what matters most is not the promotion...

Coming back to the motto that I taped on my whiteboard, my dad believe that what matters most is how he sees himself. Yes, he was not promoted. But he didn't see himself as an old, 'useless-to-the-eyes-of-his-boss' worker who was side-stepped so many times for promotion. He sees himself as an example to his children; that with perseverence, you will reap the benefits in the end. For him, there is no other pride than to see one of his child in a higher and better position than him, in the same company he has been working for 30 years.

How can I not have the same spirit that he had nurture within himself?

...Happy Birthday!

*morning at Starbucks KLCC*

Bliss. Bangun pagi. Check SMS.

"Happy Birthday!"

Heh, genap 27 tahun umo aku hari ni.

The author.. lepaking with a Grande Vanilla Latte.

Ada sesetengah orang stop celebrating birthday sebab ngeri dengan pertambahan umur. They just stop at a certain age. Me? I love my birthday. It reminds me of something extra special that happened in my life, in which I was given the opportunity by God, and by my loving parents, to be born into this world.

So birthday is not actually for you to think that it is one day for others to treat you extra special. It's for you to show your gratitude to the Almighty; with His Grace, you are who you are today. And show your appreciation to both Mom and Dad. Say 'thank you' for all the good life and love that they have showered you all along the way. And even if they suck at being your parents sometimes, you still owe them your life. (Hey, they are also human, like us, who screw up now and then). Remember that, always.

And don't forget all the friends that has been with you, through thick and thin. Who stands by you when you are down. Who lent you their ears when you feel like talking incoherently about how suck your job is. Who let you cry when you feel unworthy of yourselves.

To the special someone who never fails to kiss you goodnight. Who still adores you no matter how old and wrinkly you might get. Who love you unconditionally even if you hurt their feelings at times.

Without them, would you be able to live to this day?

Meet my new friend, Fifi. Thanks hun!

...Nanny McPhee...

*kat rumah*

Menghitung jam. Umo aku nak dekat 27 ni hah. :-)

Aku nak share a few photos of Amir and his nieces / nephews. Anak kakak2 aku... Dah ada tokoh jadik bapak orang pun... ;-)

So, bila pulak nak tengok dia dukung anak aku yek? Time will tell.. heh.

Asyran Ibrahim & Asyran Ibtisam

Fariz Azraei

Adrianna Batrisyia - latest addition to the family

Adiba Damia